So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
