I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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