OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
