biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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