He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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