I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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