WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i love accidental penises.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
