first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
