Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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