Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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