it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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