So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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