I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
