i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
