So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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