It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
