Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
