I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
