Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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