Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
