She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm passing your future prison.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
