If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
