i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
