your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
