I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
