My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
