I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
