just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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