I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
