There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Houston, we have a squirter
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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