Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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