honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
