Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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