Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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