oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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