I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
please come you make the beer taste better
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
