I think I won the penis lottery.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
