I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
