Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
