Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
