I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
