nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize