A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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