no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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