The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
