he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize