Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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