she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
