you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
