never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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