i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize